I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
