The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
