apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
