am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
