I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
