Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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