and next time when you feel me up, do it right
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
