Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
