she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
