so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
