Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just found puke in my bra..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
