I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
