Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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