he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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