Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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