is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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