Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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