if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
