I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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