I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it glows. i had to have it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
