the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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