Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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