Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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