I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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