so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
