i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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