Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
