Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
