I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
