just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
