if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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