They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
