Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
