They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
