Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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