I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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