So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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