Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
