pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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