I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
