His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
