You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
