bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
