Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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