I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
