In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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