whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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