He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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