That's intense
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
