I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
