Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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